Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
