I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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