The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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