hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
