Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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