U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize