Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
