I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
