You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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