I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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