took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
