The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
