Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
