I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
