My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
