I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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