U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
