Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
