I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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