i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
