There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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