There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
