he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
where are my eyebrows?
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