She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
