So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you didnt know i had herpes?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
