Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
This house was built for laser tag.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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