Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
