he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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