I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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