You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize