My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize