My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
