Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
