i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
