puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
