is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
