you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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