look no pants
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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