I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
