Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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