You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
