Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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