i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
