how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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