if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
