She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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