I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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