No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
