You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
