It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
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He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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