Im at strip club and am horny
I got chris browned last night
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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