Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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