Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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