I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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