I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
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Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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