So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
