I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!