But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"