so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
