Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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