do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
