just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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