I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We left the knife in your bed.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
