I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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