I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
