$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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