Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
