so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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