he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.