can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.