So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
