i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.