Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero