just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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