I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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