My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
