My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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